1:57 ATX bflc

Walk around
scared
scared
scared.
But not as scared.
Too scared?
Scared for others.
Why isn't anyone growing?
Changing?
I stay awake worried.

Wipe my tears.

6/14/2016
Riley Welch

Kitchen Thoughts

I sat on the floor
and I realized
it was a view I had not seen before.
A room I had walked through,
so many times,
but I had never looked up quite like this.
Is this what dogs see?
Or children?
I seem to lack the memories of looking up.
I haven't always stood this tall,
but I have trouble picturing standing at my mothers knees,
and wrapping my arms around them,
or of feeling
that my father's shoulders were the highest point on Earth.

6/14/2016
Riley Welch

CB

Screaming
roar
why terrorize the little?
Harass the sweet?
Why make this all about shrieking?
And not just hanging out, free?

6/10/2016
Riley Welch

Purr

Kittens purr
and purr
and meow.
Is it when they want something?
Or are they just chatty?
If I could chat back
surely that would
make us closer.
Help us to be
better friends.
But since I can't
I'll just fill your dish
and hope you love me anyway.

6/6/2016
Riley Welch

OWIA

Goosebumps keep coming

and acid tickles the back of my throat. 

I decided not to eat

so my stomach wouldn't upset itself. 

I am so

worried

worried

worried. 

I am glad not always. 

Because I would surely have an ulcer by now, 

if that was the case. 

Like, just a small one. 

In the wall of my stomach

from all the 

worry

worry

worry

so intense. 

I want to be settled instead. 

6/6/2016

Riley Welch

9:00 AM

I wanted to spill out words-

like have them flow from my hands without thought. 

Like having so many thoughts you don't have to think

Is this confusing yet?

I'm not sure I make sense sometimes,

I get lost discerning myself. 

I wanted to make a stronger impact,

to mold soft dirt into plants and make life again. 

Reorganize nutrition so it's evenly distributed. 

I thought I would fail nutrition in college 

but I made a B+. 

What a shocking final grade report. 

Happy, not sad.

Bark on a tree curled off like paper and I thought about subbing it as writing material,

but my ballpoint wouldn't roll on it smooth enough. 

Birds make their nests higher than we can reach on purpose

or at least, I've always assumed it was on purpose. 

But I don't know much about birds. 

So I could be wrong. 

We overwatered the dirt and it turned to mud which overturned the roots

because they had nothing solid to hold onto anymore. 

We ruined their home, and I thought, for this, I should feel guilty. 

I didn't mold the dirt the way I wanted. 

But sometimes things don't happen as you want and you just have to move on. 

Dwelling on things causes unnecessary stress,

which means getting things done becomes harder and harder

and no one really wants things to be harder than they have to be. 

Curling lattices made a safe spot for twisting vines to climb up,

but you still just watered the roots,

unless it was a really hot day. 

I made a list of what I wanted in life

and amongst many emotional bullets

was a greenhouse and the ability to cook eggs every morning. 

I suppose the eggs part is a matter of me waking up earlier 

and buying eggs,

but I don't know when I'll get around to actually doing that. 

The greenhouse seems harder

but also more rewarding

or satisfying

or maybe both. 

Maybe reward is satisfying 

and maybe satisfaction is a reward in itself.  

6/6/2016

Riley Welch

H-C

I let the anxiety
and uneasiness
bubble up in my stomach.
It curdled like milk.
I tried to calm down.
Everything is fine. fine. fine.
I poured a beer
a bath
put on a tv show
with the captions
because I decided I couldn't hear.
"I've got to stop doing this"
"I've got to stop"
"I've got to"
Epsom salt piled up at the bottom of the bath
before it could dissolve and I made sure it wasn't
too, too
hot.
Before I sat,
hair piled up on my head, so it wouldn't get wet.
I tried to un-curdle milk.
Which doesn't come easy,
so everyone knows.

6/6/2016
Riley Welch

KB

What a waste.
How many words
fit on each page
before she hits the door.
I don't know who will grab the knob first.

6/3/2016
Riley Welch

Today

I saw your eyes
peeking through two branches on a tree.
Lovely and shining.
If they had been green,
you would have gotten away.
Blending in with the leaves and sometimes, when they're fresh
the tree bark.

5/24/2016
Riley Welch

Nightmares

I had a dream where the world ended,

but it didn’t fall apart,

and nothing went up in flames,

all my favorite restaurants were still open,

and no one I knew or loved was dead.

Everything was almost the same,

except we all knew the world had ended.

I still worked on marketing plans,

I still did my homework in the hours before it was due,

I still planned out with friends which day of the week we’d go out,

I still got annoyed when I knew I was right,

I still kissed my boyfriend and told him he was good,

I still ate like garbage and over-caffeinated and was shocked when I felt like shit,

I still felt guilty when I missed phone calls I knew I could have taken,

I still watched tv and texted my best friend my favorite jokes,

I still scoured Craigslist for cheap jobs I could do on the side,

I still washed my face too much and my hair not enough,

I still waited until I was 3,000 miles over to get an oil change,

I still worried about graduating, and grad school, and work, and money, and family, and friends, and drug use, and drinking, and growing up.

And we were all still endlessly anxious,

Like even without a world we found a way to remain discontent.

And then I woke up, stomach turning in knots over itself.

Reminding myself:

It was a dream.

It was a dream.

It was a dream.

I worried about the metaphoric implications of it,

but no more than I worried about anything else,

and after a few hours,

I forgot the dream altogether.

5/28/2016

Riley Welch

Two, Four

I'm walking in circles

round and round about. 

The foot

in front of the other 

and to the left

or right

depending on the step. 

Dogs keep track of four feet. 

But I can barely keep up with two. 

6/3/2016

Riley Welch

Publication!

Instead of a poem today, I'm posting a link to my first publication!

Coldnoon: Travel Poetics International Journal of Travel Writing recently published a collection of poems I wrote in their online "Diaries" section.

Because this is a journal of travel writing, these are poems I originally wrote on my backpacking trip in Germany a few summers ago. I'm very, very excited this got to be my first publication opportunity!

Check it (and the entire website, because it's pretty cool) out:

Honor of the Giant

8

Curling shadows danced an outline
that I could barely keep track of,
I noticed I repeat when i can't choose the next line,
triplets are so comfortable,
your mouths cannot trip if it knows
exactly what comes next.

5/26/2016
Riley Welch