Square Windows

I keep
putting off
putting words on
paper.
Then they get lost
in a deep twisted
nest of neurons.
They never come back the same.
Sometimes they rearrange.
And then I develop
deep confusion
at those words
I fell in love
with
absentmindedly,
while walking to class
or driving down the roads
slicked wet
with oil painted
car reflections.
I wish I had written sooner.
I wish my brain
was more of a filing cabinet
than a messy notebook - like this one.

9/21/2015
Riley Welch

BB

I can't believe it took a month.
Probably two.
Back to back
but, wow.
The improvement must be coming.
Somewhere.
and now it's 4 o'clock.
Somewhere.
And I'm still waiting.

9/21/2015
Riley Welch

A Solid Where

Sometimes
home feels like
defrosting after
leaving an air-condition-soaked coffee bar
at ten at night.

But other times
it feels like
lung shattering
crisp, icy
air.
Shocking your body
into alertness.

Often, other times,
it feels like gardens
and gardens
of bright yellow daffodils,
happy and overflowing.

Or old swimming pols
with torn up bottoms
that scratch up
your soft, wet toes.

9/9/2015
Riley Welch

9/7/2015

Whenever given a chore,
or task.
I picture it.
Clearly.
Lay it out before me: Here is what will be done.
Even if given a hard choice,
the correct one
can always be pictured.
Gleaming, a little brighter than the alternatives.
I always know what I will choose next.

The first time I could not
picture my future.
At least a little bit,
was my drivers test.
The April I was 16.
But I did take it,
and I passed it.
I drove that car,
and then,
after that.
My whole future blurred.
Things became less and less clear.

And nothing has been so absolute since.

9/7/2015
Riley Welch

Another Rewrite

An anchor set itself
in the pit of his
stomach.

Her words made him inhale
sharply.
She was the ship,
cutting through cold water.

The anchor caused a ripple
that sent goosebumps
to the outside of his skin.
They started at his spine
and made even -
patterned
bumps on his arm.

She spoke again
and he thought the ship
was changing directions.

But it was just setting down one more hook.

9/4/2015
Riley Welch

Everything

Everything
felt a little bit
cooler
than it had
when I went to sleep.
The night
calmed the Earth
and willed it
to forget the sun
maybe
just for a minute.
Because it always came back
and reminded you.

9/6/2015
Riley Welch

One Less

The numbness
sunk itself back.
At the base of
my neck.
My skull.
As close as I would
let it.
Without
Shoo-ing it away.
Like it were a pest
and not a feeling.
It wasn't one
I missed
when it was absent.
But
I didn't mind it
there either.
It let my brain
fold in on itself.
A time
for reflection. Thought.
Could it be, even silence?
Yes, even the pen forgets to move.

9/7/2015
Riley Welch